reset

It's no lie that I've been posting less than usual in the past three months. Oh of course by less I mean one post a month less, kind-of-thing. Strangely enough, I don't feel a pinch of guilt. But then again... this is what documentation has always been for me. As much as I love documenting my life (boy it's been good to look back at this blog for those good, hearty moments), I've never really felt this obligation to document. I document, when I feel like it, and all the other times, I just simply experience.

And it's a good thing too, because who knows what this blog would be like if I felt obligated to document. It may not even be around, because we all know me and obligations don't always work hand in hand. I love stuff to be free flowing, free-spirited and this is what this space has been for me.

Can you believe we're a quarter into the year already? I know, unbelievable! I can't say that I've come out of this quarter a better person, or that I have come out of it unchanged. Despite all these changes, I feel like I'm still the same person I was before. I think some of you can relate. But one with a greater resolve... to love, to learn, to live. And that's why, believe me when I say, I wouldn't change these last couple of months for a dime.

That as it may be, I'm going to approach 2014 from this year on end with a reset. Start afresh, both in mind and soul, and look at the world from a set of eyes I haven't seen through before. Not in that short-lived euphoric 'yay it's a new year! new beginnings! new me!' kind of way (although there is nothing wrong with that), but just fresh in general. I feel a sense of renewal coming, so today, I press reset and hope for the best.

nineteen

For some time now, my birthday was just another day to me. I'd tell people cheerfully, "hey, to me it's just the same set of numbers I always fill on forms." and they'd look me like, 'dude, what?!' short of saying, 'were you hugged as a child?' Haha, but hey, it's true, and I don't look at it like it's a depressing thing, but to me, it just ain't a big deal.

This year, though, something was different in the air. I was surprised, touched by people both close and far, dear and distant from me: a friend who I hadn't caught up with in a long time, an old friend from high school and people who went out of their way to make my day special, as if to say hey, it isn't just another day.

As if that wasn't enough, tonight my cell group completely threw me off, surprising me with a lit birthday cake right smack in the middle of a gathering.

As the birthday song filled the room, I looked around at everyone circling around me--some faces I knew, some I just got to know, and many I didn't know--I was again reminded of how awesome it is to be surrounded by good people. It wasn't the cake, or even the birthday part, but just being around such good people... felt amazing, undeserving and out of this world. And right in that moment, my heart was filled to the brim, overcome with love and gratitude. Right there and then, I realised, it shouldn't be called birthday, but gratitude day. Of course, that should be everyday. But today, I am especially grateful.

lucky girl

Someone recently said to me, "You're living the life." It was probably the most surprising thing anyone has ever said to me, and of course, I did a double take "um, what did you just say to me?" for good measure. It's funny and flattering hearing that, but at the same time, I realised how lucky I am to be able to travel, go on adventures and roadtrips. In no way do I think I'm living the life, but I'm discovering that with each passing year, I have a greater resolve to live my life the best I can.

What does best mean exactly? To me, it's just doing the things that makes you happy and feel good about life. I'm learning that being happy also means being open. Doing things that you've never done before, doing things another way, and just carpe diemin' the heck out of life. When I went on this impromptu roadtrip to Cowes, I remember one night we just ordered a pizza and had it on the beach as the sun set and the boats reeled in, and it was just the best. I remember thinking to myself, "ah, life. you can be a bit of an ass sometimes, but today you're doin' mighty fine."

december grams

December has been a good one, full of prefestivities and time to myself, as well as taking time out to spend with the loved ones. Let's see... passenger concert, roadtrips, a getaway by the coast and channeling my inner santa -- gift wrapping and swinging my little santa sack and dropping gifts to friends. Oh, and of course, what would December be without me being under the pretense that I'm a gifted singer? Yes, my friends, I've been belting out Christmas tunes (as if I wrote them) all around the house, and sometimes humming in the public too. In other words, I'm gettin' my christmas spirit on. Big time.

And let me tell you, I'm not a shy performer. I do the whole finger clicking, staring into the distance like all A-class acts like Michael Bublé do. Only, I probably look pretty silly, but you know what? It's Christmas. Tis the season for shameless singing, daggy swaying to the perfection that are Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and ohhhh, the Bublé.

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas ahead, friends. Have a smashing one, and please don't ever hesitate to pull out a daggy move or ninety to christmas carols, swing side to side as if your life depended on hip action, and just laugh and be happy and jolly with your family and friends. We only get to do it once a year, and for all you know, I'm probably pulling out waaaay more inventive moves, laughing away twenty times louder and making a waaaay bigger fool of myself than you are.

Whatever Christmas means to you, wherever you are, I hope you'll have a great day, friends... the kind of day that warms your soul, makes your heart flutter and blossoms all the feel-good parts of your life. You are loved, and tomorrow is here to remind you of that, and for you to remind the loved parts of your life that they, too, are loved.

'tis the season

'Tis the season for thank yous and season greetings, writing cards and slipping in a photo or two into the envelope, curating gifts and wrapping them up in fresh dinosaur-themed wrapping paper. For me, it's where Christmas starts... writing notes straight from your heart to your loved ones, realising how much of an impact they've made on you. Signed, sealed, and ready to be delivered, yes they are!

Night out with some girlfriends tonight, and I can't wait to see their faces when I surprise them with some feel-good cards and gifts! There's something about the giving part of Christmas that is just incredible, and I really, really love it.

future vlogger, yo

You know what's really weird? Watching yourself on video. See above! I had some free time on my hands the other day, and thought I'd show the new place to some family of mine through video... and yes, that would be me cooking my lunch - this is the kind of stuff that only family strictly will appreciate, you guys. But you know what? Instead of sending it straight to the recycle bin when I got around to watching it, I thought to myself, 'nah, keep it'. It's funny but also kind of awesome to watch yourself on video. It's like, that's me, wow. Some people have actually told me that I should vlog, and I do the awkward laugh and I'm like, 'hahahahahahahahahahaha have you seen me talk lately?'

s for spring

you know it's spring...
// when getting out of bed becomes easier as the days get warmer
// when using up half the tissues in the house becomes a morning ritual
// when runny noses and watery eyes return in all their hayfever gloriousness
// but despite that, there is also the good in the spring

// after all, s is for spring, for the scent of the blooming flowers, the sun rays warming our wintered selves, the songs of the birds, the sounds of children playing in the park, the gentle swishing of newly born, leafed trees. s is for spring.

moving forward

I'm moving houses tomorrow. Going out to take some polaroids of my street and my home today, it's funny how much I suddenly notice - things I never noticed before. How the back of my house looked from the far end of our luscious big yard, the oddly placed red tiles in my kitchen which I've suddenly taken a liking to, and yes, believe it or not, even how my house actually looked like from the front... things reminscent of my everyday life.

For the past couple of weeks, people have asked me, "how do you feel about the move?" And really, I had no answer. I didn't feel particularly sentimental, or maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet. I've lived in this house for nearly a decade now -- one filled with many significant moments of my life -- and yet, there were days where it didn't feel like a home, especially during times when I needed it to be. But it was also the place where I learned a great deal about who I am, and who I want to be.

It was also the house I began to truly start living with my parents, which the ten-year-old me at the time cherished. This place housed my flying adventures around our backyard (which translates into having a garden rack between my legs and either pretending I'm a wizard or a kungfu master, naturally), my failed attempts to keep multiple goldfish and cactus alive, and documented how breaking windows and glass screens became an unappreciated talent of mine (they were accidents, and it was only twice, okay).

Soon, these polaroids will become a faint inkling of home, a distant picture of some teenhood, a memory. What's ahead, I'm not sure, but I've got a good feeling about this one. A real good feeling. 

eighteen

You know that part of every romantic movie where the euphoric music kicks in, the girl gets back with the guy and for a split moment, and your heart wells up? Like 'yay! they're meant to be'. Okay, worst analogy ever... but you guys know what I mean. Well... this is kinda how these guys make me feel everyday. They make me feel sappy, grateful, happy that I have such an amazing group of people around me. Rewind to the second last photo up here, and yep, I've been friends with those shifty looking peeps since year seven.

Celebrated my beautiful friend Erin's 18th over the weekend, and it was just wonderful. Erin is honestly one of the most genuine, down-to-earth people I've ever met. She's creative, caring, never quick to judge and always happy to help you out. Simply said, the girl inspires me to be a better person everyday.

blow your candles out

Had the best time tonight celebrating this girl tonight. Meet Sonia! She's one of my favourite people in this world to just sit down and have a chat with, the best problem solver and listener. This girl has a big heart, always sees through things she wants to do and a true inspiration to all of us. Tonight, I was just so happy to be there to celebrate her, her eightenthness and the wonderful person she is. It was so good to see everyone catching up and laughing away at anything and everything.

We were given sight to see all kinds of things, and I believe seeing your friends happy and laughing away is one of the best things about being able to see.

hey, you!

Hey, you! Why, you're looking GREAT. Did you something new with your hair today? Is that a new top? And have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you smile? Are you smiling right now? Well, you should be, because you look your best when you smile. I'm a huge believer of that. People really do look their best when they smile, it's a fact. ;)

Saw this on the way to work, and it just made me smile. Three simple words, but had a feeling that they were gonna brighten up a whole lot of people's days that day.

Here's wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead. It's July! Can you believe it? We're halfway through the year already. Also, Google Reader will be shutting down on July 1st, which is tomorrow, so be sure to import your subscriptions here!

Never quite forgotten

After getting home from a long day, I changed into my favourite skirt, slipped on a pair of sandals and out the door I went. It was nearly five, almost sunset time, and I relished in that. Oh, how the golden maple leaves crunched softly with every step I took. How the gentle sky filled with soft hues of purple, pink and orange held the promise of a calm, quiet night ahead, while a cool autumn breeze ruffled my skirt a little and made me feel weightless - as if that was a true possibility.

It made me realise how much I had missed exploring this neighbourhood o' mine. I noticed houses I never thought existed, looked up and gazed at the sky every now and then, and just really appreciate this beautiful world we live in. Where flowers bloom and leaves rustle, leaving sounds to the ears that are quite unmatched and never quite forgotten.

and then came today

This photo was the first ever instant photo I had ever taken with my new, beloved camera, the fujifilm instax 210. The same new, beloved camera which died on me this morning, approximately after less than twenty hours of unpacking it out of the cardbox in all of its fresh bubblewrap glory and taking my first photo with it. And how did it happen? While I was fixing the strap on it as precaution so that it won't drop and break in future, it plunged right to the hard hard ground. Oh guys, how my heart fell when it couldn't turn on.  And oh, the irony of it all.

This was one of those times in my life I wished I could rewind it all and magically be armed with vampire like reflexes and catch the darn thing. But of course, special powers always seem to elude me when I need it most.

Soooooo my day wasn't off to the best start. But somehow, the world answered my dampened soul with a double free at the end of the day, so I got to go home during lunchtime. Which, after running 3ks yesterday and waking up feeling like an old lady this morning, deserved an "AMEN!" with a fist pump in the air. The day was then finished off with a phone call with a good friend, whereby we spoke in a british accent (just because we can) for a good whole fifteen minutes before he called it. And fair enough, because sometimes sounding cool takes effort, guys.

So not all was lost, I guess. Those vampire like reflexes are still staying on the wishlist though.

A weekend in five

Soooooo I'm going away to Malaysia tomorrow! Took both days of the weekend off work, and it was just so darn good in almost every sense. It was good to have to time to myself, even if it was just out running the usual errands. Is it weird to enjoy your own company? Ha, I hope not. The rest of the weekend was spent packing and taking care of last minute things. Like jumping from one shopping mall to another to get those last minute gifts for the loved ones.

I've tried to finish this post up happy, but sometimes the reality of it all does kick in, and I have to admit that the last few weeks have been unbelievably tough. I had days where I felt as though I was stepping in between cracks, and other days, those cracks just seemed like they were getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger. And while this break will not make all my worries go away, it's comforting to know that I'll be seeing the beautiful and familiar faces I love and cherish in less than twenty four hours. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that just won't go away.

making life feel lived

I met up with these lovely girls after work on one super cold rainy day for dinner. We had been wanting to try this new local restaurant (a famous Malaysian one!) for a long time and it honestly felt like an achievement when we all had a free night to spare. I might or might not have acted as though I knew every single meal on the menu, but to be honest, even though I did grow up in Malaysia, I never really ate out then and got to experience every single 'local' dish Malaysia had to offer. Why? Because eating out is pretty much a federal crime in my grandma's eyes "when you can eat at home". I'm sure many of you can relate! No complaints here though, she is the most amazing cook, ever.

Life for all of us has been moving so fast, and it doesn't look like it's about to slow down anytime soon. The days just pass so quickly, and before we know it, boom, we're nearly in April! Between school and working on the weekends, there really isn't much time for anything else. It was just so good to just sit down, relax and chat about anything and everything, from the everyday stuff to our most embarrassing childhood memories - something that shall neeeeeever leave that table, that I'm sure. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long long time.

I'm so glad to be going through Year 12 with these girls. They make life feel lived.