The last of the first

Tuesday, January 29

Today is my last day of holidays before school starts tomorrow. And in the middle of replying to texts typically beginning with "have you prepared for the speech?" or "do you know what to do for the english assignment?" two things occurred to me. 1. I'm not the only one who hasn't started my assignments, and 2. tomorrow is my last first day of school. And the latter thought, I must admit, gave me a little tingling, yet overwhelming feeling that swept over me like nothing I've ever felt before. Till today, it didn't really sink in that this year was, indeed, my last year of school.

It's hard to justify, or make sense of something you've never really felt. For hours, I was just in a daze, trying to make sense of this strange, foreign state of emotion. I couldn't figure out what it was. Perhaps the thought of this very year being my last year of school itself scares me. It definitely leaves me uncertain and unsure in a way, because I know. I know that even though everyday may still feel the same with the usual and sometimes drone inducing rhythm of classes and assignments and probably a few all nighters, it's not really the same. It's my last year of school. How did I get here in the first place? Honestly, I still remember my first day of school like it was literally yesterday when I wore sky high socks up to my knees, just as many girls did on their first day (not a good look, by the way).

By the same token, as well as being uncertain, I am also more aware. Of where I am right now. Of me. And much more deeply aware of how much control I have on how this year is going to go. I know that for sure. To be aware and uncertain at the same time is a funny thing, but I'm going to run with it.

All in all I'm looking forward to the year. I hope to make each day a meaningful and worthwhile one, and to soak it all in when I can, while I can. The awesome, the downright embarrassing, the funny, the awkward ... everything.


Jane said...

Hope it's a wonderful last year! So many exciting things headed your way! Hooray!

Marlen said...

arggg i miss school so much! i remember pondering the same thing during my last semester, and feeling excited but so scared of the changes. it's lovely to stumble upon posts so full of hope like this one, i hope your semester is an amazing one. there really isn't any other experience like college :D

xo Marlen
Messages on a Napkin

Ice Pandora said...

I wish you happy schooldays
and scored those marks c: